Texas Joe's

Craig turned 37 recently and when I asked him where he wanted to go to celebrate, he knew just the place. Craig is great cook and really loves his protein. He’s made his own sausage, has smoked his own meat, makes a mean jerk chicken and does up a Sunday roast like no other. So I wasn’t surprised at all when he said he wanted to go to Texas Joe’s in Bermondsey, a short walk from our flat. 

I became vegetarian in 2012 when I decided that animal protein took too many valuable resources to make and was unsustainable for the planet. l moved to Laos in 2017 to teach English for a year. Vegetarianism is uncommon in southeast Asia and as so many meals are communal and the language barrier was real I decided to forgo vegetarianism for the year. I returned to the states and didn’t exactly go back to my meatless ways. 

Craig had been to Texas Joe’s once before and assured me that 3 mains for 3 people was way too much food. We decided to split the brisket which came in two huge buttery hunks of perfectly cooked meat on a metal tray with pickles, coleslaw and white bread. As it was Craig’s birthday I had bought him a Happy Birthday balloon and some 37 candles. He’s not a dessert guy by a long shot so I discretely made my way to the bathroom and dropped the candles off with the waitstaff who were happy to stick them right into the beef. 

Everything is bigger in Texas, including the portions! We shared one main and two sides and it was more than enough. They also do great cocktails.

The Stats: Texas Joe’s
What we ordered
To Drink:
Two delicious cocktails

To Eat:
Beef brisket with pickles, slaw and bread
Bacon wrapped stuffed jalapeños
Mac n cheese

Cost £47

Craig had already been to Texas Joe’s once when he requested to go back for his birthday. He’s not big on cake or sweets so I asked the server to put his candles right in the brisket. They not only complied but sang!

We ordered jalapeño poppers and macaroni ‘n’ cheese as sides. The poppers were good but fell apart too easily. The mac on the other hand was thick and creamy and perfect with a bit of hot sauce drizzled on top. 

Texas Joe himself was born in Dallas and came to London to make beef jerky. His line of packaged, smoked meats is available at Tesco, Sainsbury’s and ASDA. They also sell it in the restaurant but it’s more expensive. The restaurant was more of an afterthought but has launched Texas Joe into a bit of fame with guests including NFL player Vince Young, musician Jerron "Blind Boy" Paxton, and food writer Robb Walsh. 

The physical menu is just as much chronicle of the history of Texas barbecue as it is a list of the cuts of chicken, beef, mutton and pork on offer. Laid out like an old newspaper, articles from famed bbq food critics (including Walsh) tell the history of Texas pit barbecues at Protestant revival meetings starting in the 1830s. You can read that after World War I, Corpus Christi, Texas sent over a 1,000 pound long horn and a pit master to cook it for Cambridge’s Corpus Christi College’s 600th birthday party, or all about the differences between lamb and mutton and regional ribs styles.    

There is an unusual melding of flavors in the kitchen, as Kauboi Ramen, billed as “the world’s smallest ramen kitchen,” serves “the most authentic BBQ/Ramen fusion ever!” is on the premises. I’ve never heard of this particular Texan/Japanese mashup but the women at the table next to us each had a bowl and it looked pretty delicious.

Craig and Alex met THE Texas Joe, who is just as much of a character as the reputation that proceeds him. He drives a huge white, Cadillac that he parks outside the restaurant, is wont to drink and speaks with a drawl.

Craig and I sat in the corner by the kitchen and chatted with the chefs who operated a huge smoker and did up all the fixin’s. I lamented that the Frito pie was sold out, but I supposed you should always leave something on the table for next time. It didn’t take Craig long to return. Not two weeks later he came back with his cousin and met Texas Joe himself. Evidently he’s just as big a personality in real life as he seems wearing cowboy hats, boots and embroidered suits around London.